Five Ways To Have Better Relationships
Understanding these Five Ways To Have Better Relationships might be helpful to understand what actually relationships are, increase your relationship acceptance, enjoy boundless relationships and identify what your best relationships are. Everyone wants to have better relationships. Once you understand the last blog: Better Relationships – 2 Harsh Truths Of Life, you will start connecting yourself more and have better relationships. Referring to the word better relationships, I would love to share a quote by Swami Vivekananda –
“Relationships are more important than life, but it is important for those relationships to have life in them.”
That’s exactly what better relationships mean. Below are the 5 ways to have better relationships. Implementing those will surely help you adding betterment in any relationship you have.
1) Let Grow by Setting It Free: When you start realizing every relationship has an expiry date, you will feel the best way to have a great relationship is just Set It Free. When I am saying to set it free, you need to see both the sides of the relationship. It should be free from both ways. I still remember one of my friend who used to go out for dinner every weekend with his girlfriend. When I told him “ Wow! you are so lucky !!!” He replied “ What Lucky? If you would have been in my place, you would have understood how painful it is. I really don’t enjoy going out nowadays. But I have to.” I asked, “ Then why you don’t tell her?”
He replied “ Because of that what we have fixed. She may feel bad. Hence, am doing so.”
Believe me, if you fix up rules for your relationships. Few Must Have, Some Should be, and so on, you will spend time in maintaining those rules rather than enjoying relationships. The more you set your relationships free, the more the relationship will be enjoyable. So, rather than creating rules and regulations, let it grow the way it grows and believe me you will enjoy every relationship once you set it free and make it boundless.
If you cannot make any relationship boundless, believe me, you will only damage the relationship.
If anyone in a relationship is doing something that he or she don’t want to do, you are somewhere betraying yourself and it will give birth to an irritation somewhere in your subconscious mind. If you know you have to do something which you don’t enjoy, telling it is better than doing it suppressing you and your wishes. And, the same way you should be clear enough that the other part of this relationship also enjoys the same freedom. If any one person in a relationship take care that both are free to say each other what they like or don’t like, what you enjoy or don’t enjoy, you will have better relationships in life and this will be the source of happiness and love. So, there should be one rule for every relationship – that’s set it free.
2) Never Control Others: Believe me, you cannot control yourself. You cannot control yourself from dying. Most of the body parts that you have, that you are born with – you never had control over it. You really cannot control yourself. What you can do is just manage and maintain yourself better. Then, why you need to even think of controlling others. Be it anyone, your son, daughter, wife, husband, father, mother, girlfriend, boyfriend – whoever it be and whatever the relationship be, the less you control, the more you enjoy. We tend to control others because you want others to behave the way we behave, think the way we think, do something the way we do, and much more. Everyone has a particular pattern of thinking, doing or behaving. And, this pattern is generated and affected by different experiences, feelings, the way we are brought up, our values and much more that we come across. And this pattern keeps changing. For example, consider three people. One person in whose family someone died because of lungs cancer out of smoking. Another person always thinks smoking is a social reputation or social status, people look classy and appealing while smoking. And the third person thinks the odor of smoking is pathetic. And now I am the fourth person who just started burning a stick !!! It’s obvious the first picture or feeling of each and every person will be different. So, not controlling people in a relationship can be the key to a healthy relationship. Smoking is just an example. We all know smoking is not good. But controlling others goes to that extent where people expect others to think the way they are thinking. You may control your kid to teach whats good and whats not good. You do this because you love your kid, you care for your kid, you want the best for your kid and that’s obvious and that’s what is expected from you. And it’s absolutely fine to do so. But there should be a point, where you need to let him or her free flow. Too much interfering can be dangerous. Sometimes, this may be inexpressive but the inner feeling may not be good.
A relationship is never seen or felt. Your relationship with a person is not what you show the person in a relationship or to the society. It’s not what you upload on social media.
It’s what you feel authentically deep inside about that person. And it’s applicable for all. So, never control others in any relationship. Rather accept people the way they are. If you cannot accept people, you actually don’t qualify to have a healthy relationship.
Everyone has some good and some bad. That’s the way we all are. You may suggest someone change a bad habit by showing what gain the person might have rather than saying you don’t like it. Just like your brain, every brain knows what’s good or bad for a person. It sometimes lacks awareness. And with a healthy relationship, you can simply suggest the person what you think about a bad habit the person is having and how can someone get benefitted by stopping that habit. But, if you start controlling a relationship, you will start losing the charm in it.
3) Every relationship is powered by and destroyed by a purpose: Can you remember anything you have done without a purpose. Even if you are reading this, you are reading this with a purpose. We hardly do anything without any purpose. But, in some cases, you might feel that you have a relationship which has no purpose. And by feeling so you might feel serene or a bit spiritual kind of about that relationship but that’s not the truth. Let’s face it. Take the example of one of the shortest time relationships where you were on a flight and you spoke to the person next to you and when the flight landed, both of you may not have exchanged the contacts also. That short relationship was also having a purpose. The purpose may be passing the flight time or making yourself comfortable or whatever it be – there was a purpose. Your relationship may be unconditional but it will definitely have a purpose. The purpose may be getting love, it may be enjoying togetherness, it may be getting an emotional refugee, it may be a social security, it may be anything but it has got a purpose. And when the purpose is not served properly in the relationship, the relationship loosens. Be it any relationship but without purpose, relationships don’t exist.
Understanding the purpose of the relationship i.e asking yourself why exactly you want this relationship helps you in two ways – Firstly, you relearn the value of that particular relationship in your life and start giving value to it again and Secondly, if you find the relationship has hardly any value, you understand how much value or importance or resources like your time money and energy you should put on that relationship. Moreover, once you understand the purpose of the relationship, you acceptance increases.
4) The best relationship is where you have the most self-connect at that time: I am sure if not you, you came across lots of people who had their best time spent with someone i.e. friend, teacher, parents, girlfriend, boyfriend and so on and then after few years, they are not even in touch !!! This is not due to change in distance or frequency of meeting or anything like that. It’s simply because one part of that relationship has lost its self-connect. And it’s quite normal. Our life is dynamic and we all are on different journeys and hence our milestones and objectives are different and hence we have hardly some fixed relationships among all and rest all change over a period of time. There is nothing wrong with it. Your best relationship anytime is where you have the most self-connect at that time. We may give any name to that relationship, we may not be able to give any name of that relationship but where you connect most is the best relationship for you. And it’s only your connection and the connection of the other person who is in that relationship. Nobody else. No viewpoint of others because others viewpoint are their viewpoint not yours and no one can connect you except you.
When your intuition says you connect the best in a particular relationship, try to be thankful for that relationship.
5) Keep Your self-relationship above all: We all play different roles named as A Father, A Mother, A Son, A Daughter, A brother, A sister, A wife, A husband, A Friend, A Partner and so on. But above all is who you are to yourself. The more you are self-connected to yourself, the better your other relationships will be. Sometimes, we ignore our relationship with the inner us due to other external challenges, pressures and so on but the fact is, if we lose a relationship or connect with us, we will never be able to have a great relationship with anyone else. We may pretend to have the same but fact remains the same. There are lots of ways one can have self-connect with yourself. And it’s not a modern theory. It’s coming since ancient ages. The ways to connect yourself can be Meditation, Prayer, Yoga, Reading Books, A morning or evening walk, Listening to songs, A lonely long drive or anything which needs only you and no one else. It’s that activity where your brain is involved with you only. Hence Listening to Songs can be a way to connect yourself but watching television may not be the right way. Practicing Yoga may be but playing cricket may not be. Whatever be the way, you must practice the way daily and devotedly. You should be devoted to this more than any other relationship because firstly, it’s your relationship with yourself and secondly, it’s the essence of all other relationship that you have or will have. If you are not happy with yourself, you cannot be happy with anyone else in life. This is beautifully explained in one of the Inspiring Quotes of Swami Vivekananda –
“Talk to yourself at least once in a Day. Otherwise, you may miss a meeting with an EXCELLENT person in this World…”
These five ways to have better relationships might change the way you look at any relationship and can increase satisfaction, boost happiness, feel thankful for any relationship you have and don’t have, and lastly can help you enjoy with everyone.