So, its time for the third cycle of life where we are stuck. Among the four cycles of life where we are stuck, I have already covered two cycles  – Cycle 1 was The Non-Action Fear Life Cycle and Cycle 2 was The Dreams, Interest and Non-commitment cycle.

The Unhappy Vicious Cycle Of Happiness

We all want to be happy and each and everyone – be it the human being or be it animals – everyone wants to be happy. Probably happiness is one of the most sought-after feelings.

Being happy looks very simple yet we make it more and more complex. And more our lifestyle is developing, tougher staying happy is becoming. I will share 2 real-life stories from two of my clients with whom I have worked which can make what I am saying more clear.

The first person, one of the top executives of a Multi-National Engineering firm, was very frustrated as he missed his promotion twice. Over a discussion, I came to know he has struggled a lot to reach this level in his career. With a great pride, he was narrating the hardships he has faced while climbing this corporate ladder and how he used to struggle for his living. He owns a house at a prime location of the city, having two cars. But this frustration of missing promotion twice is so intense that he wanted to quit but was unable to understand what he can do to live further. I asked him  “If you enter into the picture of your struggling days, have you ever thought you will reach this position and achieve what you have achieved?” He humbly replied “Well. not this much. I expected a bit lower than what I have and am now” So, my next question was “Why you are not happy with this overachievement and why you are unhappy with this one incident? Is this one incident is bigger and more powerful than the great journey that you traveled which you were proudly narrating?” And I got the best answer from him “Silence”.  

Next story is about a young couple who were dissatisfied with each other. They met first time at a friends house. Both liked each other but the girl was engaged. After a few frequent meetings, they became good friends. They started liking each other and soon the girl realized that this boy is the right person she was looking for. The boy was having the same feeling as well. But still, being together in a “relationship beyond friendship” was a dream for them. Both had the same dream but couldn’t express the same to each other. But, this true intent of being in a true relationship was ultimately gifted by the universe and they got married. The marriage has just crossed 5 years and the harmony of togetherness is missing in their life. They keep on complaining that they are not feeling that happiness from each other that they were expecting. The girl wanted the boy to behave in a particular way which is not the natural way that the boy was and he was not interested to do so as well. It slowly became so frustrating that they were unable to see the “Together Life Picture” anymore. They started realizing that they were happier before they met !!!

You pick up any of the unhappy moments in your life and if you dig into the reason for such feeling, you will find that the main reason for any unhappy moment is your unfulfilled wishes and desires. And If you dig into those wishes and desires, you will find that the reasons for those wishes and desires were Happiness only. You had those wishes or desires to achieve happiness only. The form of happiness might be different but the core purpose is happiness only.

This is an unhappy vicious cycle of happiness where you want something for happiness and then become unhappy if it’s not fulfilled. Does that mean you should not have any wishes and desires?

Absolutely not.

Wishes and Desires help you drive your life in a particular direction and speed up the journey. But you should always have a break. You should have the power to let go to become powerful in this journey of life. Even if you want to, you cannot hold on anything. You cannot hold your life, your relationships, your age, your body, your money, your assets or anything. You simply can’t hold any of these.

Hence, whenever your wishes and desires are not giving you happiness or creating frustration, you should simply let go of it and start another desire. The more you hold on it, more you will be unhappy. Hence, it’s important to be aware of your wishes and desires and remember the ultimate purpose of those wishes and desires. Drive yourself to fulfill those but don’t get driven by your wishes and desires.

It’s just like driving a car, where you are free to press the accelerator and increase the speed. But you need to be aware of the speed at which you are driving the car and wherever required, you should put your feet off the accelerator and apply the brake. The ultimate purpose of the car is to travel from one destination to another. And if we forget that ultimate purpose, the car is of no use anymore.

In this journey of life, the desires and wishes are to drive you to a direction or to increase your speed but if you really want to live a fulfilled life, the brake and steering control i.e. the control on where to go and when to stop – these should be with you.

The Unhappy Vicious Cycle Of Happiness is something which can only be broken by staying more aware, practicing letting go and leading a controlled life.